Tonight I'm feeling dead inside, and I'm losing hope to return to life...
Well, I don't think "dead" is the right word cause its quite vigorous inside me in fact!
I said dead cause I feel very down and powerless! But in reality, the frustration of not being able to do anything makes me boling inside! I'm feeling angry! I'm so angry! There's a big knot in my stomach and I can also feel it up to my throat.
If I continue that way, life would drive me completely mad! I hate this life, don't like this job, therefore I've got to make things change!
I know that I'm stronger than that! I've gone through periodes of my life much more difficult, I know I can do it again! I just need to find the energy to carry on!
Where would I find this fucking energy?... I just put my headphones on and listen to music! More and more music! again and again... May the music never stop and I'm gonna feel alright!
Here's the song I'm just listening right now: Listen and Repeat, by Televised Crimewave
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
That's how I feel!
It started yesterday... and now i'm feeling very bad!
I've been feeling worse and worse!
Because first, I've noticed yesterday on the diary that I'll have to work most of the evnings of this week and next week, despite they are sending me to Nice all the week-end! Which isn't very fair I think! But that's part of the job, so I didn't complain!
After, I saw that Jarvis would play an in-store gig at Rough Trade next Saturday (16th) but I will not be in London, as I've to go to bloody annoying Nice! So I was a bit nervous but not really feeling that angry... (I've already seen Jarvis on stage a couple of times, and even found myself close to him in the audience at the Of Montreal show in Paris. So let's just say: Nevermind! No matter! Cause that's what I'm used to say!) Then I've seen there's another band I quite like who is also playing in London, on that same Saturday, in the evening, in Leytonstone. And missing 2 good gigs on the same day made me feel a bit grumpy! But hey, that's just gigs after all! So I just went to bed to have a nice rest.
But, this morning, I woke up thinking about a discussion I had with my brother few days ago about our father. I felt a bit bitter about that but I thought that there's nothing much I can do! The demons of the past are always coming back from time to time, this isn't the first time and would certainly not be the last one! I just have to pass over one more time until the next one...
I just thought that I'd feel better after buying a great film and a grat one I've found indeed (Gandahar - René Laloux), but this fucking dvd was 17quids and as I'm actually broke, I decided to be reasonable and not buying it! :-( Such a big frustration!!!
Then I've found myself smoking a fag with my ex-boyfriend, and as a fag time isn't long enough to tell him everything I want to say, I've just been talking rubish! So that was more and more frustration!
After that, the icing on top of the cake: when I arrived at home I had an eMail saying that this Hatcham Social's gig I was supposed to go to, tomorrow evening, has been resheduled on October 28th! Fucking shit! The only fun time in the horizon this week and this is cancelled! Fuck them! So just because they ruine my only evening off, I will not post anything about them on this blog! ever! na!
But to be honest, in all this succession of anoying little shits, there's only one which made me feel that bad... not really difficult to guess... so here is the song on my mind tonight: The Smack Of The Pavement In Your Face, by Shirley Lee, cause "that's how I feel, that's how I feel now..."
If you like it, Shirley Lee are playing for a "What's Cookin'" evening at the Sheepwalk in High Road Leytonstone (it's at the junction with Aylmer Road) - Leytonstone tube station, and it's on Saturday 16th.
I've been feeling worse and worse!
Because first, I've noticed yesterday on the diary that I'll have to work most of the evnings of this week and next week, despite they are sending me to Nice all the week-end! Which isn't very fair I think! But that's part of the job, so I didn't complain!
After, I saw that Jarvis would play an in-store gig at Rough Trade next Saturday (16th) but I will not be in London, as I've to go to bloody annoying Nice! So I was a bit nervous but not really feeling that angry... (I've already seen Jarvis on stage a couple of times, and even found myself close to him in the audience at the Of Montreal show in Paris. So let's just say: Nevermind! No matter! Cause that's what I'm used to say!) Then I've seen there's another band I quite like who is also playing in London, on that same Saturday, in the evening, in Leytonstone. And missing 2 good gigs on the same day made me feel a bit grumpy! But hey, that's just gigs after all! So I just went to bed to have a nice rest.
But, this morning, I woke up thinking about a discussion I had with my brother few days ago about our father. I felt a bit bitter about that but I thought that there's nothing much I can do! The demons of the past are always coming back from time to time, this isn't the first time and would certainly not be the last one! I just have to pass over one more time until the next one...
I just thought that I'd feel better after buying a great film and a grat one I've found indeed (Gandahar - René Laloux), but this fucking dvd was 17quids and as I'm actually broke, I decided to be reasonable and not buying it! :-( Such a big frustration!!!
Then I've found myself smoking a fag with my ex-boyfriend, and as a fag time isn't long enough to tell him everything I want to say, I've just been talking rubish! So that was more and more frustration!
After that, the icing on top of the cake: when I arrived at home I had an eMail saying that this Hatcham Social's gig I was supposed to go to, tomorrow evening, has been resheduled on October 28th! Fucking shit! The only fun time in the horizon this week and this is cancelled! Fuck them! So just because they ruine my only evening off, I will not post anything about them on this blog! ever! na!
But to be honest, in all this succession of anoying little shits, there's only one which made me feel that bad... not really difficult to guess... so here is the song on my mind tonight: The Smack Of The Pavement In Your Face, by Shirley Lee, cause "that's how I feel, that's how I feel now..."
If you like it, Shirley Lee are playing for a "What's Cookin'" evening at the Sheepwalk in High Road Leytonstone (it's at the junction with Aylmer Road) - Leytonstone tube station, and it's on Saturday 16th.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Give it to her!
Yeah, Give it to me! (or "give me it" as says the little one in here ;-))
Well, I've been listening to lots of 80's bands lately, and discovered that one: Ipso Facto.
Not to mix up with this actual shitty girlsband who stole the name, well maybe it's not kind to say "shitty", but for sure, it's nothing as good as the real Ipso Facto!
So Ipso Facto was a short-life band formed in 1983 releasing the record, 'Give It To Her' on their own Zodiak Records label in 1984...
So now I let you listening to the 4songs EP 'Give It To Her' cause this is what's on my mind today... Just give me what I want! ;-)
Hope you'll enjoy the songs!
Give It To Her
Greta
Blue Angel
La Femme Etait Un Homme
Well, I've been listening to lots of 80's bands lately, and discovered that one: Ipso Facto.
Not to mix up with this actual shitty girlsband who stole the name, well maybe it's not kind to say "shitty", but for sure, it's nothing as good as the real Ipso Facto!
So Ipso Facto was a short-life band formed in 1983 releasing the record, 'Give It To Her' on their own Zodiak Records label in 1984...
So now I let you listening to the 4songs EP 'Give It To Her' cause this is what's on my mind today... Just give me what I want! ;-)
Hope you'll enjoy the songs!
Give It To Her
Greta
Blue Angel
La Femme Etait Un Homme
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